The Donor House: Jack: Talking to Georgina

[k_a_webb]

In the short time Jack had been at the donor house he’d come to realise that the whole system they set up had changed things for all vampires. When he chose a donor he didn’t have to worry that they’d want more from him than he could give, because they were friends first and their vampire-donor relationship came second. As he sat on Georgina’s bed, just after feeding from her, the two of them smiled at each other. She didn’t want him to turn her into a vampire, like some he’d fed from before he found the donor house, or expect him to sleep with her, as she wasn’t attracted to him in any way.

“Are you okay?” Georgina asked, sleepily. “You look…” She shook her head, as though the word she wanted had escaped her. “Thoughtful.”

“I’m fine,” Jack replied, brushing some strands of hair off Georgina’s face. “Just grateful I found the donor house.”

“Was it hard for you before?”

“Being asexual and a vampire don’t really mix all that well.” Jack shrugged. “At least they don’t out there. Here I’m lucky enough to be feeding from friends, who know what I am, and it really does make things easier. I’m glad I came.” He leaned back, against the wall, and looked around Georgina’s room. “I nearly convinced myself it would be a mistake, because there was no possible chance I could find somewhere I’d find feeding easy. Making friends with you and Dominic has simplified the whole thing for me.”

“Even though you haven’t met someone you connect with romantically.”

“I think, now, that’s almost a good thing. Being here, being with donors and vampires I can talk to about anything, has really helped me come to terms with what I am. It was something I couldn’t do before, because accepting myself as I was didn’t seem logical. Now…” He smiled, unable to stop himself. “There are so many different people here that who I am finally makes sense.”

“Yet, there’s still something missing, isn’t there?”

“Maybe a little. Before I was changed I wouldn’t have been normal and if I hadn’t become a vampire I never would have known there was a word to describe what I was. Now I know it’s still hard to find someone like me, someone who has no interest in sex, because I think it’s hard to admit that we aren’t like other people.” Jack sighed. “Even though what is seen as normal has changed so much someone who’s asexual is still a little too different to be accepted.”

“Here it’s different.” Georgina reached out and patted Jack’s hand. “Some day there will be another asexual vampire or an asexual donor will arrive, and then you’ll have a chance to have a relationship of equals.”

“I hope you’re right, but I can’t help thinking that it will never happen. I’ve been a vampire for well over a century now and I’ve never met anyone else like me.”

“You don’t know that for certain, Jack. Asexuality isn’t exactly something that comes up in every day conversation, is it?”

“I guess not. It’s not something I mentioned unless…” Jack bit his lip, remembering all the times he’d had to push donors away. “The only times I mentioned my sexuality was when I felt I had no other choice, which wouldn’t have happened when I came across other vampires, although there were a couple who tried to come on to me. I think they just assumed I had my donors and that was all I needed.”

“Vampires can be really creepy.”

“When the donor house first opened, before I realised why it had been set up, I assumed it was a new way for the auction vampires to get what they wanted from humans.” Jack thought for a moment. “I don’t know what it is that makes so many vampires become what they call an alpha predator, because that was something I never wanted to be.”

“It’s all about what sort of person you were before you became a vampire, I think. There are the leaders, the alpha vampires who view themselves as the top of the food chain because they’ve been ‘lucky’ enough to become something more than a human, who search for followers and train them to be just like themselves. Only the people who manage to hold onto their humanity, or meet someone who help them find it again, chose to view the humans they feed from as something more than prey.”

“There were times, when I was at my lowest, that I wished I’d been able to let go of my humanity. I wished I could have been the vampire I should have been, like the majority of the other vampires I met during my travels were, because then I wouldn’t have been alone.” Jack ran a hand through his hair, hoping that Georgina wouldn’t hate him for the feelings he’d had, because she might have been a friend but that didn’t mean he knew everything about her. “Maybe if my creator hadn’t tossed me out when she realised I didn’t want to have sex with her I might have become a ‘true’ vampire.”

“I don’t think you would have.” Georgina smiled at him again, still looking sleepy. “John stayed with his creator for decades and he didn’t let go of his humanity.”

“John is a very different person to me.” Thinking of the native American vampire always made Jack feel a little guilty, because John had dealt with so much more than he had and yet didn’t seem to deal with the same low points the rest of them did. “He had his beliefs to keep him going, while I had nothing.”

“You did have something, Jack. It may not have been something you wanted, but you always had the belief that you weren’t normal, and I have a feeling that would have always stopped you from becoming a ‘true’ vampire.” Shrugging, Georgina patted his hand again. “The ‘true’ vampires think of themselves as the normal vampires and the vampires who come here as abnormal.”

Mirrored from K. A. Webb Writing.

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I'm glad that Jack is settling in well!