September Prompted Fiction: Donor House: The Beginning of the House continued (2): 519 words

[k_a_webb]

This is my second idea for the continuation of 'The Beginning of the Donor House' for ysabetwordsmith.

Issac's smile turned to a frown. Nick knew that he'd thought of something that would put a potential spanner in the works, and that worried him. For the donor house to work he needed Issac as a partner. Issac was one of the oldest vampires he knew, even though he wasn't sure how old, and he had a lot of influence when it come to other vampires. In comparison Nick was young because he'd been turned in the 1500s, so he didn't have much influence with the older vampires. 

“What about Lewis?” Issac asked. “Lewis has been loaning money to humans for a very long time, Nick. If we step on his toes we're in trouble.”

Lewis hadn't been a variable that Nick had thought of. He just knew that humans needed money, which vampires had, and vampires needed blood, which humans had. It should be simple but then he should have learnt after over five hundred years of living that nothing was simple. That was why he made mistakes.

“I don't know. Maybe we should talk to him about our plans and see what he suggests.”

“Our plans?”

“My plans then.” Nick sighed. “You know Lewis better than I do. What do you think he'd say?”

“I think he'd say no if we're going to be loaning money. He's pretty much in control of the whole of the south of England when it comes to money lending, even though the humans don't know that it's a vampire they're borrowing from.” Issac bit his lip thoughtfully. “Maybe we can work it a different way. We pay off the human's debts in return for them, or one of their family, becoming a donor at the house. Lewis would go along with that because he's more likely to get his money back.”

Nick nodded. “That would work. When do you think you can talk to Lewis? If I can I'd like to put an offer on the hotel in the next couple of days.”

“If I can use your phone I can talk to him now.”

“Go ahead.”

Nick watched as Issac picked up the receiver, dialed a number and then waited as the phone rang. Not getting involved in the actual lending of money would be easier because he had no idea how to do it successfully. It was something he'd seen happen throughout the years but it wasn't something he understood.

“Good evening, Lewis,” Issac said, pulling Nick out of his thoughts. “I have a proposition for you. How do you fancy being a part of Nick's new scheme?”

“Another one?” Lewis replied, sounding sceptical, making Nick wish he couldn't hear the conversation. “What is it this time?”

“This one is actually a good idea. I know some of them have been a bit rubbish, but I like this one and it will mean that you get paid on time.”

Curiosity filled Lewis's voice. “What are you on about, Issac? Be quick, I have a meeting in seven minutes.”

“A donor house. We pay off debts in return for someone entering the house to give blood to hungry vampires.”

 

© K A Jones 2011 

 

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

04/09/2011 - edited

Comments

Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com]

This is another good development. I like the way it shows that vampires gain experience over time but it's still influenced by personal areas of expertise -- there will always be things a given person doesn't know.

>>Nick knew that he'd thought of something that would put a potential spanner in the works and that worried him. <<

This would parse better with a comma after "works."

>>“Lewis has been loaning money to humans for a very long time Nick.<<

This needs a comma after "time."

>>“What are you on about Issac? <<

This needs a comma after "about." Names are customarily set off with commas.

Re: Thoughts

[kajones-writing.livejournal.com]

I have a habit of forgetting commas when I put names at the end of sentences. I really need to work on that.

Two more typos, so what would you like? Choices as one the other comment. (I'm not counting the first one as that's choice rather than me being ditzy.)

Re: Thoughts

[ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com]

You know, you could probably catch those by running a search for each character's name. With only two or three characters per story, and short stories, it shouldn't take long.

I sent my perk claims in a reply to your LJ message.