September Surprise Story Week: Vitali continued: Pagan Collection: 1510 words

[k_a_webb]

See the beginning of this story here (LJ link).
See the second part of this story here (LJ link).
See the third part of this story here (LJ link).

This includes 1000 words written for ysabetwordsmith.

 

Vitali looked at Anna and wondered what he would do if he was in her position. Being the one with the amnesia rather than simply knowing someone who had lost all of their memories. It was difficult to imagine, but it made him feel grateful for the first time that he did have a memory. Like everyone he forgot things sometimes. That was a part of life. He'd just never stopped before to think what it would be like to not remember his sixth birthday party or the day he went to the beach and ended up with sunstroke.

“What exactly do you remember?” he asked, even though he was worried the question might be insulting. “Other than the storylines to all the books on your bookcase.”

Anna smiled. “I remember knowledge. It's really weird because I can remember how to play the recorder, but I have no idea when I learnt to play it or when the last time I used one was.” She shrugged. “Sometimes I think that is what makes it so difficult for everyone. I can still recite nursery rhymes and talk to you about the formation of rocks, but I can't remember the last party I went to or why my 'best friend' is my best friend.”

“Your ability to create new memories wasn't affected?”

Anna shook her head. “I half wish it was, because then I wouldn't have to remember all the difficult conversations I've had with people. At the same time I'm grateful for it, you know? Without being able to create memories now I think I would have trouble believing that I did have one, before the accident.”

“If you had the choice, would you move away and begin again so that you didn't have to deal with the difficulties?”

“I don't know.” Anna sipped her hot chocolate again and Vitali wondered what she thought of it. “It would be nice to not have to deal with everything, but running away from my problems seems counter-productive.” She smiled. “Having even an hour just to be me is enough to make me strong enough to cope with going home.”

“Is that why you came here?”

“It was part of the reason. I also needed to talk to my tutors about what I'm going to do.” She bit her lip. “Lloyd told me all about the plans I made for what I was going to do once I finished my exams and now I don't know what I want. Taking time out until I've remembered who I am was one of the possibilities I thought about but I don't want to do that. At the same time I can't just follow Charlotte's plan for her life. I've got some time to think about things, so that's what I need to do.”

“Give yourself a break from thinking, just for a moment.” Vitali smiled. “You seem to have done a lot of it recently. If you were just letting yourself do what you want to do, what would your plan be?”

There was a moment of silence. “An art class would be interesting and I've been thinking about maybe trying out photography.” Anna smiled. “I was online a couple of days ago and there were some beautiful photos, so that's become an interest.” She shrugged. “At the same time I still want to be doing the academic things, like law and psychology.”

“Do both. Where are you in your studies?”

“Charlotte was planning on taking some new classes this year because she decided that she didn't want to do A2 this year. I have no idea why, but it does give me a tiny bit of leeway.”

Vitali nodded. “Well, that gives you a chance to do an art class, along with the academic things.”

“Maybe. I just worry that it will be too much work and I'll end up failing or something.”

“College is all about learning who you are, Anna. Whatever you do next is going to be affected by what you do while you're here, and if you want my opinion right now you need the time to begin coming to terms with what happened.” He smiled at her. “Regaining your memory naturally isn't something that can be rushed.”

“I know you're right.” Anna sighed. “I think I'm letting other people's expectations affect me too much. Charlotte's father wants me to just follow the plan and take my AS exams this year, followed by doing A2 next year, but I can't let him force me into doing things I don't want to do or don't feel ready to do.”

“No one can.” Vitali sipped his cappucino. “I've only just realised that myself.”

“Is that why you're here?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I made the decision last night and come in to talk to my tutor today.”

“Who was effecting your choices?”

“Everyone, I think. When I came to college it was because my friends were and I didn't want to be in sixth form by myself, so I just went for subjects that I'd taken at GCSE without stopping to think about what I actually wanted to do. I am sort of glad I did because if I hadn't I wouldn't have met Oliver and Megan, but I feel like I wasted a year, so I hope that I have made the right choices this time.” He smiled. “I honestly think I have.”

“I want to make the right choices, but I'm not sure if I can. How can I make them if I don't know who I am?”

Vitali looked at her. “Make Anna's choices, not Charlotte's. I don't know how many days of memory you have, but that is Anna, that is the person you chose to be and that is the person you should be. Charlotte is gone for now. Maybe she'll come back, which is something you'll have to deal with when it happens. There is the possibility that she won't. If you cling on to what you feel you need to do for her then you'll be doing yourself a disservice.”

“I feel like a twin.” Anna smiled wryly. “It's like my twin, Charlotte, died in the accident and I'm trying to live her life for her.” She shook her head. “What I need to focus on is me, no matter what happens in the future, which is going to be difficult because neither of the parents accept that I am me rather than Charlotte.”

“It's possible they never will.”

“I know. They just want their daughter and if I can never become that person it's going to be very difficult. I feel like, if they don't, I'm going to have to basically cut them out of my life, which is something I don't want to do.”

“Give it some time and see what happens.” Vitali smiled. “You can't make all these choices right now, because things can change, you will change, and it's impossible to know for sure what might happen in a couple of months times.”

“With the parents I feel like I have to make the choice now. When I get home I will be asked if my memory has returned yet and when I say it hasn't they'll look all disappointed, which makes me feel like everything is my fault. From what I've heard the accident was just an accident, so nothing is my fault, but I hate feeling like I have to retrieve my memory. It's like they seem to think I should be spending all my days just focusing on pulling it back from wherever it went and I can't do that. If I did then I would end up wasting maybe a week, a month, a year, or more on something I have absolutely no control over.”

“Have you tried hitting your head on something to see if that knocks the memories back into place?”

Anna smiled. “I did actually think of that and then I realised that this is real life, so the likelihood of it working is probably nil.” She laughed. “I wish things were that easy.”

“It will get easier though, even if your memories don't return. If you want I can introduce you to my friends and hopefully it will help to have a group of new friends who don't expect anything from you.”

“That would be really nice.” She sipped her hot chocolate. “I just don't know if that's fair on your friends.”

Vitali shrugged. “I'll give them the choice. I'm not going to make them meet you if they don't want to, but I know that both of them will think seriously about what I'm asking them to do.” He smiled. “You're going to need support in the weeks and months to come.”

“Thank you.”

“What for?”

“For not acting as though there's something seriously wrong with me just because I lost my memory, giving me some time to talk to you about my life and how I feel, and being a nice person. I've needed someone like you in my life since the accident.”

© K A Jones 2011


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