It's interesting to see Persephone interacting with a young girl.
>> “I'm sorry Persephone.” <<
That needs a comma after "sorry" above.
>>Your friends want you to be just like them, the priestesses feel like you're their daughter and the last thing you want to do is let down your family.<<
Comma splice; change the comma to a semi-colon or break into two sentences.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2011-10-08 05:18 am (UTC)>> “I'm sorry Persephone.” <<
That needs a comma after "sorry" above.
>>Your friends want you to be just like them, the priestesses feel like you're their daughter and the last thing you want to do is let down your family.<<
Comma splice; change the comma to a semi-colon or break into two sentences.
>>“Goodbye Aisling.”
“Goodbye Persephone.<<
Both of those need a comma after "Goodbye."
Not many typos in this story!