The Donor House: Advent Story (part 23)

[k_a_webb]

Part 1; Part 2; Part 3; Part 4; Part 5
Part 6; Part 7; Part 8; Part 9; Part 10
Part 11; Part 12; Part 13; Part 14; Part 15
Part 16; Part 17; Part 18; Part 19; Part 20
Part 21; Part 22

Lily nodded. “You’re probably right and I know how lucky I was to have them, even though I never had what I really wanted. Having them didn’t stop me from being jealous that they had something I didn’t, which made me feel worse because they helped me so much, and sometimes I can’t help wondering how different I would have been if I’d never had my siblings. Unfortunately when I came here I made a promise that I wouldn’t get in touch with them, even if they got in touch with me, because our parents would know if I did… and they’ve been working round that by ringing me off pay phones, because they aren’t going to walk away. I did, when I first got here, try to talk them out of it, knowing what our parents would do to them as punishment, but they wouldn’t listen to me. As they said we’ve been dealing with this together for over a decade now, so why should we stop now?

“I always thought that as I did have help that I didn’t really have any right to be as affected as I am, but things aren’t that simple. My first sibling wasn’t born until after my fifth birthday and by then I already knew that my parents didn’t love me. By the time I was ten I had three, one of whom had already realised what was happening, because children aren’t stupid, even though I sometimes wished they were, because I didn’t want them to be involved. From the beginning, when I was told that my mother was pregnant, I wanted to protect them from what I’d been through, and then, when I found out I didn’t have to, that they loved her…” Lily sighed. “That night I cried myself to sleep in a way that I never had before. I felt so alone. None of children I went to school with had parents who hated them, my sister was loved from the very moment she was born, and I had no idea what would happen in the future – no idea that my sibling, the very sibling I hated right at that moment, would become my greatest ally.

“As soon as she was old enough to work out what was happening she tried her hardest to put an end to it all, even though neither of us thought it was possible. I remember the day she came into our room, the room I’d shared with her from the day she was born, and told me that what was happening wasn’t fair, that she didn’t know anyone else was treated the way I was, so she was going to put an end to it, if she could. Before I had a chance to argue with her she was out of the door and in the sitting room. The only time I was allowed in there was if I was doing chores, so I couldn’t follow her, because I knew that it wasn’t her who’d get punished. It was me, for putting those thoughts into her head, when what I’d actually done until that day was avoid her as much as possible, because I didn’t want her to know that I hated her.

“She knew though. When my parents shooed her out of the sitting room, telling her that she didn’t know she was talking about, she came back to talk to me about what they’d said. The first question she’d asked was why they treated me differently to her and her younger siblings, what it was about me that made them hate me the way they did. It was their answer that she couldn’t understand – we don’t love her because we didn’t want her the way we wanted you and that they didn’t hate me, but they couldn’t love me either – because it was obvious to anyone watching, apparently, that they would have got rid of me if they could. I’m certain if they’d known about the auction schools they’d have dropped me off at one of them, but as it was they had to wait until the Donor House was opened. She said she knew I hated her, and she didn’t blame me, but it was time we started doing something about what they were doing.

“That was when I told her that she had to lie. If the time came when someone asked if our parents were mistreating me she had to say no, because her doing that for me… it reminded me of how I felt before she was born. How I felt that I had to protect her no matter what. Even though that had faded when I realised that she was loved by the two people I’d always wanted that from I didn’t want her to be punished for trying to look after me. No one had ever done that before, because no one knew what I was going through, but with her there… I felt for a moment like maybe the best option was to tell someone what had been going on, what my parents had been doing to me, and then I remembered it didn’t matter what I said. I didn’t have any proof apart from the damage to my mental state, which wasn’t something I could prove had been caused by ten years of mistreatment by the two people who were meant to love me no matter what.

“Unfortunately they were smart… or maybe it wasn’t that they were smart, as such, because I don’t think they planned what they were doing, but they never hit me, they never did anything that I might be able to use as proof that I was being abused by them. They could have chosen not to feed me, or give me enough to drink, and they never hit me, although there were a couple of times when I thought they would, because they were that angry with something I’d done. No, everything they did affected me mentally, made me feel worthless and like I had no right to the air I was breathing, which was why I kept doing the chores they gave me. I thought maybe if I did enough for them they might start to think that I was worth something, because I did everything they asked of me without complaining, even though there were days when I really did wish I could end it all.”

That was more than Lily had ever said about her parents and what her life had been like before, and for the first time she felt as though the weight of keeping it all a secret had been lifted from her shoulders. It was something she’d never talked about before, not with someone outside of her close family, so she hadn’t known what it would be like to finally be free of it and of them, because she didn’t have to see them again, not if she asked the community within the House for their help. She should have realised it from the beginning, but it wasn’t until Sullivan made her see that she wasn’t the only child to have dealt with the pain of having a parent or step-parent bullying them that she really felt capable of talking about what had happened.

When she glanced over at the door, hoping that she’d have time to talk to Alice before they arrived, Lily’s heart sank. They were standing there, alone, looking over at her, at who she was standing with, and she knew they were judging her for having a conversation with a vampire. Everything she’d felt moments before faded away, as the strength of their disapproval seemed to burn into her, and she it was all she could do to blink away more tears, because she was not going to let them make her cry ever again. It was when Sullivan walked away, after promising her support, that she almost let them spill. She needed him, but he wasn’t going to be there for her. As they started walking towards her she breathed in deeply, gathered all the courage she never thought she’d have, and tried to show her disapproval of them in the same way they were showing their disapproval of her.

“Good morning, Lily,” her mother said, civil as always in a public place, and Lily knew then that they weren’t going to do anything stupid. “How are you dealing with living at the House?”

“I’m really not sure that’s a question you have the right to ask,” an unexpected male voice said, as a hand slipped into hers, and a second later she felt hands on both her shoulders. “Lily, finally, told us why she really came to the House, and due to that honesty you aren’t permitted to enter the House again. We don’t like abusers.”

“What are you talking about?” Lily’s mother laughed. “You must understand that Lily is a very good story teller and whatever she’s told you is something she’s made up. We have a happy family.”

“Your other children would say the same if we were to ask them?”

“Of course they would.” As her father looked between the two of them Sullivan squeezed Lily’s hand. “I don’t know who you think you are, exactly, but you have no right to tell me that we aren’t permitted here. You are not one of the four owners of the House.”

“Actually he does have that right.” Nick sounded angry. “He is speaking on behalf of me, and Alice, and Issac, and Lewis, because we asked him to, as he’s the one who heard Lily’s story and is willing to vouch for it being the truth. We will soon know for certain. Sullivan went to Alice first and Alice went straight upstairs to ring your other children.”

“Then you’ll soon know what a story teller our Lily is. She wasn’t always like this – no, it was when her siblings came along and she realised that we needed to spend more time with them than we could with her. When we had our second baby, after years of trying for another, she was five, so she thought she was always going to be an only child, always the one we were going to lavish the attention on, but when we had two, then three, then four children, we had to put the young ones first.”

“Why did Lily apply to become a donor?” another unexpected male voice said, this one belonging to Dominic, and it was hard for Lily not to turn her head to see who else might be there.

“Even though we tried out hardest we couldn’t afford the mortgage any longer. I lost my job…” Lily’s mother’s voice cracked with emotion that didn’t seem faked. “We had to ask Lily for help, because she was our oldest, and as much as we hated it we had no other choice. Of course we didn’t know that as soon as she got her she’d be making up stories about us mistreating her. Did she tell you why?”

“She gave me a reason, but I don’t think it’s the truth. I don’t think she ever knew why you treated her the way you did, but I believe every word that she said.” Hearing Sullivan say that was something Lily never thought would happen, because she never let herself think that when she did finally tell someone they’d accept what she said as the truth. “The pain in her eyes would be proof enough and even if your other children were to tell us that you had a happy family I would still accept what Lily told me as being exactly what she had to live through.”

Her father nodded, as though that was what he expected to hear. “I’m guessing she told you about the pact she made with her siblings. That she told them to lie about what had happened if she ever managed to tell the truth about what had happened to her.” He shrugged. “You can believe her if that’s what you want to do, but what she’s told you is nothing more than a story she made up.”

Mirrored from K. A. Webb Writing.