>> “What happens after you’ve check it out?” <<

That should say "checked" above.

>>This time there were about to<<

That should say "they" instead of "there" above.

>> in a normally quite neighbourhood<<

I think you mean "quiet" but it could be "quite safe" instead.

>>He kept expecting one of his constable to <<

That should say "constables" above.

>>“It’s just I know that there are a couple of local charm makers who actually make personalised charms, but there are expensive. >>

I think that should say "they are" or "those are" instead of "there are" above.

>>grateful for Bertram recommendation.<<

That should say "Bertram's" above.

>>who was in charge if importing the counterfeits into Sheepshank,<<

That should say "in charge of" above.

>>but she told us she’d part of a bigger organisation that’s looking to expand…” <<

That should say "she's" or "she'd been" above.

>>“Lucille, they want to expand to other worlds and if that happens.”<<

I think that should say "that happens..." above.

>>I can pass the information onto the Council<<

That should say "on to" above.


I love this story so much! You did a wonderful job of weaving the different storylines together, laying groundwork for things to come, and still giving this episode a sense of accomplishment. It's really exciting. Thanks everso for writing this out.

I'd say now is a good time to list this story on Web Fiction Guide, since you've got a complete section. That should help it do well in a staff review, and of course I'll be happy to review it myself.