ext_3219 (
ysabetwordsmith.livejournal.com
) wrote
in
k_a_webb
2011-11-22 05:41 am (UTC)
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>>taken on the responsibilty <<
That should say "responsibility" above.
>>Trying not to let herself worry she walked towards Margery's cottage, trying to look as though she was just going to look after an ill friend.<<
This sentence has two clauses that begin with "trying" -- it's better to delete one.
Overall, I like this story. Magical talents really can be overwhelming.
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Feedback
That should say "responsibility" above.
>>Trying not to let herself worry she walked towards Margery's cottage, trying to look as though she was just going to look after an ill friend.<<
This sentence has two clauses that begin with "trying" -- it's better to delete one.
Overall, I like this story. Magical talents really can be overwhelming.